Tumultuous. I cannot think of a better word to describe my first semester as a college grad. These past several months have been marked by beauty and pain, heartbreak and rejoicing, anxiety and praise. I often find myself wondering why God has taken me through the trials that I have faced in Nashville. I believe that it is right in the middle of this struggle that God wishes to meet me and show me, more fully, the beauty of who He is and why He is the worthy Savior for whom my heart longs.

To say there is a lot on my plate right now is an understatement. I am attempting to explore what it would look like to forego medical school to pursue a career in the business world, dealing with the pain of a break-up, struggling with some scary health complications, planning a bachelor party, working, and fighting to develop strong friendships in Nashville. I would be lying if I said I haven’t felt overwhelmed many times along the way. If I had to be super honest I would have to concede that I’ve doubted God’s provision multiple times. It is not that I do not believe that my God is powerful, a mighty Savior, but it is that I do not believe He can handle all that is going on in my life without MY help. How arrogant, right? But I think this is a common thing in many of our lives. Recently as I have struggled with what seems like hardship after hardship, I have found myself crying out to God just as the father in Matthew 9 did,

“I believe; Help my unbelief!”

I know that God loves me. And I know that He has not disappeared. But sometimes I find myself wondering why He has allowed me to experience the pain and hardship that I have experienced over the last few months. I wonder why He has not taken this cup from me.

Recently, I was talking to a man whom I trust and love dearly, and he told me, “Clay, Jesus loves you just as much today as He did when He died on the cross in your place many years ago.” What a sweet reminder. The implications of this truth are pregnant with hope. A hope that assures me that I have not been abandoned. Although I have not been promised a life of contentment and health, I am reminded that I have a Savior who will not leave me, and who is using all of these things for His ultimate glorification and also for my eternal joy.

With the hope and promises of Christ, things such as break-ups, health complications, and anxiety about the future start to lose their power. That is not to say there will not be pain and struggle, but there is beauty in the saving hope of God’s redemption amid adversity. Often, I find myself a fickle human, limited by my own prideful stubbornness towards the circumstances of my life. It is during these very times that we must humbly, with open hands, cry to the one true Healer, Comforter, and Redeemer:

“I believe; Help my unbelief!”


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