When I was a kid, the only reality TV show that I watched religiously was American Idol. Like many other viewers, I was drawn not to the skillfulness of the talented musicians but the rather the folly of the utterly untalented. Somehow, the horrible singers were infinitely more entertaining than the truly gifted. Among those that were notoriously awful, there always seemed to be a common theme: an unfathomable lack of self awareness. As many who have seen the show know all-too-well, these horrible auditions would often end with the vocalist being dumbfounded by a barrage of criticism from the panel of judges. Often the contestant would respond with something along the lines of:

“But my friends told me that I was great?!?”

“Everyone I know loves my voice!!”

It seemed that the vocalist's world was shattered by the revelation that they were not now nor were ever going to be the next American Idol. How that message never seemed to reach their ears beforehand is something I will never quite understand. Still, amidst this hilarity, an uncomfortable reality was revealed. Sometimes we are hesitant to share truth that others so desperately need to hear.

Call it a generational blindspot or a creeping cultural influence, somewhere in the recent past the Christian understanding of the role of love in community became greatly distorted. St. Paul talks of an “agape” Christian love in 1 Corinthians 13 that is complex and multifaceted:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.

Paul uses a slew of fourteen adjectives to explain Christ’s love in its fullness, yet so often we are content with cherry picking one or two descriptors and wholly disregarding the others. Our culture at large has continually conflated the idea of platonic love with “kindness” and “tolerance”. Even within the Christian community, we’ve reduced the idea of loving our neighbor to mean something more like being “un-objectionable” or “nice”. I find this a dastardly, milquetoast reduction of our true calling for Christian love. We’ve traded the gospel of grace and truth displayed in the Bible for a mere gospel of affirmation.

Within Christian community, it is essential that we embrace this all-encompassing love unapologetically. This means helping others bring light to the dark places in their lives that they either cannot see or are willfully ignorant of. As always, Jesus provides us with an example of this sort of love. In John 4, Jesus speaks eloquently of living water to the woman at the well. He offers his unconditional salvation to this woman while also pointing out the blatant sin in her life:

John 4:16-18

He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

We must live in a posture of equal parts grace and truth. As the year progresses for the Fellows Class of 2019 and the group delves deeper into community, we have a unique opportunity to love one another in a meaningful way. We can choose to flatter and placate each other or challenge and push one another towards Christ. A small amount of uncomfortable honesty can spare someone from a whirlwind of pain and misery (just ask American Idol contestant William Hung). Granted, I can personally attest it is so much easier to tell someone what they want to hear. But I am certain that we all have moments in our lives when we are singing out of tune. It takes an honest and caring community to get us back on key. I pray for a group that can actively confront and deal with each others’ brokenness rather than shy away from it. In this acceptance of a fully-formed and Christ centered love, the Fellows can truly build each other up. As the Proverbs so beautifully state:

Proverbs 27:17

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Will we accept the inevitable discomfort of sharpening one another or remain dull in our unobtrusive affirmations?

“Bridget is the best follower you could ask for”

These words stung when they first hit me, and if I’m being honest with myself - they still sting. They were said on the last day of a month-long backpacking leadership course. For four weeks our crew of twelve college students camped and backpacked in the Pisgah National Forest having only each other, our thoughts, and our surroundings. Feedback, good and bad, was given and received almost religiously, every single day. We all came in hoping to develop our leadership abilities, and, however painful they may have been to hear, those constructive critiques brought a lot of clarity in helping us understand ourselves and how we were being received by the crew. By the end of the month it was overwhelmingly clear that my personality and role in the group was of the quieter kind; I spent more time thinking and listening than speaking. I always chose serving with my hands over serving with my lips, and my voice was on the soft side. One that didn’t carry well when addressing the crew, nor held the fervor needed to rally them towards our goal of the day. So, by the end of our time together the feedback from my crew mate, quoted above, as well meaning as it was intended to be, felt a lot like failure.

This past weekend, the Fellows participated in our group dynamics retreat where we dipped our toes into the ocean of personality. We reflected together on each of our Myers Briggs and Enneagram numbers, discussing our strengths, our weaknesses, and what each number or type could contribute to the group. Some of us were delighted with our results, others met them with a bit of resistance and hesitation. I was poignantly reminded, just as I had been at the end of that leadership course, that my personality was one of contemplation and observance. In a world that can tend to prize extroversion and loudness, entertainment and engagement, I was once again tempted to withdraw and retreat into what felt like failure.

Yet, as I read this week’s reading in Exodus, I was so sweetly reminded that all personalities, and the great diversity therein, flow out from God. Our tendencies and dispositions are not things to be wished away or overly praised, but are gifts from our Father to be used as such for his glory, his goodness, and his gospel. Such is the case for Moses when God called him to be his spokesperson in his plan to rescue his people out of Egypt:

Exodus 4:10-13

But Moses said to the LORD, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” 11 Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”

Now, spoiler alert, Moses doesn’t go and speak on behalf of the Lord. I’m not suggesting we go aspire to be like Moses in this moment, nor do I intend to argue that his speaking abilities should be equated to a personality quirk. What I am suggesting is that God is not only sovereign over our mouths, ears, and eyes but also our minds and personalities as well. There are days I see my personality and preferences as good gifts from God, and there are days I see them, as Moses might have, as a call to faith. Regardless of how we receive these traits, God desires and intends to use the very vessels of love and grace He so thoughtfully and diversely designed to echo his gospel and bring his kingdom to our communities. The content of the Fellows Program this past week has certainly challenged me to respect his creative license and therefore embrace my strengths, looking to Him and to his church in the face of apparent shortcomings.

Since 2010 Mondays have been my favorite day of the week. In high school and college it was because of the outreach ministry Young Life. Young Life gave me the environment to meet Jesus and learn the difference between the love we get from the Lord and surface level love. For me Mondays had been days of hanging out with fun people, laughing at silly skits, and singing my heart out even if I didn’t know the words to the songs, which I usually didn’t. More than any of that Mondays were the days I got to hear the gospel in a way I could understand and relate to. In college they were the days I got to share the gospel with my friends who were in high school.

This year Mondays are still the best days of the week, but it is not because of Young Life. Mondays are the days I look forward to each week because they are filled with great people and so much Jesus. In the Nashville Fellows Program the day consists of learning in the classroom, networking with Nashville Leaders, fellowship that includes food and worship, and finishing the night getting to know each other on a deeper basis through testimonies.

Mondays have also humbled me. I didn’t realize how little I knew about the Bible and how static my faith has been because I had been choosing to love Jesus and spread His word in ways that were comfortable to me, yet sometimes only striking the surface.

Before this Fellowship started we read a book called “Life Together” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer talks about emotional faith compared to faith that is based in the truth of God. He says, “God is not a God of the emotions but the God of truth”. I was really convicted after reading this because I finally started seeing the bubble that confined my faith, and I desired for the Lord's truth to be the foundation of my faith. While an emotional connection to God isn’t bad, it leaves our faith more vulnerable to hardship and lies that Satan whispers in our ears. A faith based on the truth stands firm.

Matthew 7:24-27 says, 24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

I have been reading and even teaching this parable since I was in high school, but it wasn’t until this year that I realized the rock in which we need to build our foundation on is the truth of God. The way to know and understand the truth is by digging deeper into the Bible, and especially growing outside the comfort zones of what we already understand.

I have been humbled by this experience. Knowing that even after following Jesus since high school, my faith journey has barely crossed the starting line in this marathon of a life we are living.

As for now, I want to fall more deeply in love with Jesus and the Bible. I want to know and understand scripture more than ever before. I want to give this year to Jesus because I know if I don’t I will be consumed by the distractions of this beautiful city and the dreams of what I want my life to look like.

Here I am Lord, my arms stretched out, ready for what you have in store for me.