Lent has always been one of the most interesting parts of the Christian calendar to me. It comes 40 days before Easter, is marked by ashes on the forehead, and is typically accompanied by a fast. Nowadays, that fast may be anything from food to social media, but if you are anything like me, you find yourself asking reasonably often, “What is that fast even for?” 

Most of the time, we fast from things that are bad for us (soda, candy, sweets, etc…). While that is not necessarily bad, I think it is important to remember that fasting is a deeply spiritual practice. 

Matthew 6:17-18 says, “But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

 Through these verses, it becomes clear fasting isn’t for us. It is for God.

Jesus even fasted before going into the desert to be tempted by the devil. He did this not to “give up” something but to gain closeness and intimacy with his Father Above before entering his most trying time in his ministry. 

So, as we do as Jesus did during this lead-up to Easter, it begs the question- why fast now, during this season? 

I believe we fast to draw nearer to the Father through the cross and what it represents. 

One of the most commonly referenced verses concerning this is Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. This is life-changing news. We are given eternal life through Christ and his sacrifice! Hallelujah, and AMEN!!! But to understand what this means for us, I would direct you further into the New Testament to Paul’s letter to the Philippians. In Chapter 1, verse 12, he says, “Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the Gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the Gospel without fear.”

Paul is writing this from prison. “What has happened to him” has been an endless cycle of persecution, imprisonment, and hatred from the people he used to call his friends. Yet, he has the strength to rejoice in the midst of his suffering because it has served to advance the gospel.

I love these verses because they perfectly encapsulate the reason for this Lenten season. It highlights that we live in “the already, but not yet.” Jesus has already come and paid for our sins, but that is not the end of the story.

In Matthew 24, Jesus speaks of an unknown day that the Lord will come and commands us to be watchful. This is the source of Paul’s joy. Even amid his trials, he realizes that nothing can be done to him to take away his joy in Jesus. And while Paul waits for the day he sees Jesus again, he is privileged to preach his word to everyone he sees. 

As I sit and reflect on my time in this program, I realize this might be the most “fellows-like” season of all. We have graduated from college, but we are not entirely released into the world at large. We are in our own sort of “already but not yet,” and it has been such an incredible gift. There are certainly challenges – work/life balance, time management, and class work come to mind. It is easy to use those challenges as an excuse to look forward to that “not yet,” but this Lent season, I sit and reflect on how much of a joy this season is. I look around and see myself surrounded by a community of peers and leaders who point me toward the cross at every turn. I am humbled by the opportunities this program has provided me, and I can’t help but smile as I rejoice in the already but not yet.

Jack Spangler Class 11
Hometown: Dallas, TX
Graduate of Samford University

I had always been the type of person to seek comfort. It is what felt secure and controlled. A voice in my head always told me to avoid the unfamiliar and seek what I knew to be safe. I had always had Type A tendencies - I believed that there always had to be a plan for the foreseeable future. I thought that a life without change and a lot of curveballs was the definition of a “good life”. I believed that living comfortably, with lots of predictability and stability, would give me the mental means to see and experience the Lord more easily. 

Before my time as a Fellow, I attended college at a school my parents attended, which was right next to the city I grew up in. Comfortable. I could still participate in the church I grew up attending. Comfortable. I always lived on campus with my closest friends or sorority sisters, spending most of my college career with those in my circle. Comfortable. I had every day planned down to the minute, with very little room for flexibility in my schedule. Comfortable. Gravitating toward order and comfort is not always the incorrect thing to do. However, seeking comfort in all situations is not always the most sustainable or practical desire, either.

One of the first books we read as Fellows was Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer - a book about how to thrive in community with others as a follower of Christ in light of the Gospel. In his book, Bonhoeffer conveys the importance of breaking down the walls of your ideal “dream reality” for the community in order for God’s genuine, divine reality for the community to come alive. If you are Type A like myself and are struggling to place your future and plans into the hands of the Father, you have to read this book! Bonhoeffer helped me shift my mindset in a direction that allowed the Lord to have more control over my life, even if it meant that I was being led to something uncomfortable and foreign. Bonhoeffer emphasized that “what may appear weak and trifling to us may be great and glorious to God, " which challenged me to loosen my grip on my own vision and take hold of the Lord’s glorious plan for my life. Every Monday, I am reminded of this truth as we open our class with an Every Moment Holy liturgy, asking the Lord to help us “cast (our) cares upon His strong shoulders, surrender our own agendas, and instead be led by the workings of His Spirit."

I could not be more grateful that this surrender took place before the Fellows' year began because this year has been full of the uncomfortable and the unexpected. Over the past six months, I have been stretched as I have never been stretched before and have been pushed out of my comfort zone from the start - Living with a family I did not know before my arrival to Nashville. Entering an unfamiliar church community, taking on a challenging role in a new work environment, constantly reading new books and articles to prepare for our class discussions, and doing all of this alongside 12 strangers while trying to find the time to plan a wedding and become familiar with the new city that I am calling home for nine months. The part of me that so strongly desired order six months ago would have been experiencing a very rude awakening had I still clung to the comfortability I so strongly longed for.

My life is now full of anything but comfort, and I am learning to love this kind of life more and more the longer I’m in Nashville. Being a Fellow has been anything but easy, yet it has been the most restorative season of my life. I have found that moments of discomfort have allowed me to more clearly see and appreciate the Lord’s hand in my life in a brand new way. The hard, challenging moments have drawn my eye to both moments of beauty and the evidence of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness that I might have otherwise overlooked had I not gone through that brief moment of difficulty. I see the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness in a complex, hectic Wednesday at work that is followed by the joy and laughter of preschoolers at church that night. I see it when I go into class on Monday morning feeling tired from a busy weekend of conferences, realizing that nothing is more refreshing than learning, growing, and engaging in conversation with my Fellows class. I see it in my new appreciation for the rest that comes with crashing at DR and Maddie’s house, grabbing coffee with a friend, or going for a walk through the Belle Meade neighborhoods. I thank God that there can be such comfort in the uncomfortable and for showing His face to me in both chaos and order!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

— Matthew 11:28-30

Paige Balla Class 11
Hometown: Pittsburgh, PA
Graduate of Grove City College

“26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards,[a] not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being[b] might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him[c] you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.””

— I Cor. 1:26-31 (ESV)

One of my favorite songs of the season is a riff on the classic New Year's melody of Auld Lang Syne. It has been swirling around in the back of my mind as the holiday season has ushered us into this new year of 2024 and as I've attempted to reflect on the past several months of being a fellow in preparation for the daunting task of sharing my thoughts on this platform. The lyrics flow as such (hopefully, you're humming the tune in your head): 

“Should nothing of our efforts stand
No legacy survive
Unless the Lord does raise the house
In vain its builders strive 
To you who boast tomorrow’s gain
Tell me what is your life
A mist that vanishes at dawn
All Glory be to Christ!
All Glory be to Christ our King,
All Glory be to Christ!
His rule and reign will ever sing,
All Glory be to Christ”

— Dustin Kensrue

Coinciding with the beginning lyrics above, I've asked myself for years, "Does what I'm doing even matter"? I was easily discouraged in college as my thoughts and convictions were turned into numbers and letters or whenever I got a little too existential with my thoughts and ended up in the pit of "Are any of my thoughts even my own?" Migrating these notions to being a fellow, I often still think this way. After some soul-searching and intellectual correction thanks to people like Tim Keller, Dorothy Sayers, and St. Augustine (to name-drop a few of the incredible minds we get to learn from through this program), I have come to the beginning of a conclusion: What I do has purpose and dignity when, instead of groaning "for heaven's sake" at my circumstances, I cheer for Heaven's sake, all Glory be to Christ! This acclamation is countercultural and forces one to set aside the pride that we all carry so we may better know the workings of the Father in our lives. In Fellows, we can glean from the Lord's redirection of numerous lives who now echo that cheer. We can join in and silently sing "All glory be to Christ'' as we explore more of his likeness, both written and experienced. I have been in awe of the breadth and depth of the communities (plural) we have access to through this program. Our circle is not just the size of our class; God uses this program to connect his beloved on a deeper level so that we may carry the cries of His Glory in our workplace, at church, in the grocery store, downtown on Broadway, hiking at Percy Warner, on trips to Alabama, DC, Florida and far beyond that. 

Witnessing the Lord's handiwork in the lives of numerous speakers at conferences and our leadership lunches every Monday has been so convicting. It is inspiring to give an audience to those who are really "about" their faith. This aspect of Fellows reminds me that faith is not a trend; it is more than the term "religion," and it doesn't have to look exactly like anyone else's. It's a beautiful dichotomy in the Christian life to have a unique relationship with the Lord that can be shared with others in community. It is private and public, intimate and individual, yet still collective. As a fellow, I have witnessed the Lord in this through the conversations and growth that stem from the various paths we walk each month. 

To be a fellow can be very challenging, as much of our circumstances transcend our control. Still, through the provision of the Lord, each of us gets to experience being lifted up and encouraged by those around us who evidently and selflessly strive after a lifestyle of "for Heaven's sake." I mean, after all, it's a bit strange to have a young 20-something suddenly enter one's home, the church, and the workplace, all under the premise that we are trusting in the Lord and his people to help us learn how to be "adults." In many ways, this world is unfriendly to such choices- welcoming new people and being the one receiving such greetings and grace can both accompany fear and doubt that challenge our comfort. Still, we are called beyond the comfort of the world by the one who created it, and he desires for each of us to walk boldly in His promises and by His example. As a fellow, I have been frequently reminded that even in my weariness, His majesty never diminishes. 

My final charge is this: When you live for Heaven's sake, the Glory of our King is undeniable. The cool breeze of winter's sigh becomes a refreshing air breaking through the heated fog of our rushed society. The smile of a friend tastes just as sweet as that first bite of a GooGoo Cluster—the work of our minds and hands shifts from mundane and purposeless to enriching and enlivening. There is no guarantee that these changes will happen instantaneously. Often, we must go through frequent stages of painful choices, trials, and confusion. But, when we choose to surrender our efforts and boasts and admit we were not created to walk this earth alone, we can more harmoniously worship together with all of creation: For Heaven's sake, All Glory Be to Christ!

Olivia Ortmann Class 11
Hometown: Edinburg, IN
Graduate of Grove City College, PA