This Doesn't Make Sense: by Jesse McMillan

The reality and magnitude of God’s Grace never ceases to be a mystery to me.  For true Christians we have all at some point come to terms with the magnitude of our sin and the helplessness of our situation. Reading through the first few chapters of Romans one would be left thinking ‘I am utterly helpless. I am sinful and there’s nothing I can do to change that.’ The fact that God would step down into all this mess to clean things up and pronounce me, a terrible selfish sinner, as a saint and a friend and a co-heir and a bride just doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Especially in times right now with tornadoes in Nashville, and COVID-19 spreading globally, trying to believe God is good, present, and constantly working just doesn’t always make sense. For a lot of us that haven’t been directly affected by the tornado we feel blessed and that we take too much for granted, or we could easily push it out of our minds and focus on other things because it’s too hard to engage. For me, volunteering with the Fellows recently and seeing all the damage firsthand, all I find myself thinking about is ‘this is what I deserve, why should these people lose so much when I haven’t lost anything?’ How does that make sense Father? And the truth is, we don’t know. No one knows why the Lord blesses some of us more and allows others to lose so much. But we do know that God works all things for good. He’s this paradoxical being that takes even the hardest things, even sin, and will be constantly working for good through those things even when we are intentionally evil.

So, I sit here with all my own worries in life, wondering how or why I should ever expect God to care, or even be interested or bothered with my problems, my anxiety, and my emotions. Seeing so much of my sin and knowing that God is aware of the other 96% that I don’t even see, how do I even ask? Where do I get off approaching the throne of the One who is above all others, the King of Creation and the Alpha and Omega, knowing just a fraction of how utterly sinful and evil I am and asking for the things I worry about? Asking for a good job, a good place to live, good community, a romantic relationship, all kinds of things that I desire so much yet, I know there’s no way I would ever deserve them. The Gospel of God’s love does not always make sense.

One of my favorite teachings that Jesus gave us is when He tells us about the gracious giving nature of the Father. In Matthew 7, Jesus uses an analogy, if your child asked for bread would you give him a stone? Or for a fish would give him a snake? Therefore, if we know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more does our Heavenly Father want to give us for those who ask him! God uses scripture like this for me to reveal more of His heart and His character. He’s not a workaholic father who never has time or interest in me. He’s not the father that keeps track of behavior to reward or punish accordingly.

He is the Father that delights in every one of us. The magnitude of that does not make sense. He delights in me? He loves to give good gifts? Any human that knew how much I mess up would not be this patient, caring, or generous. Even though I look at myself and see nothing but the sin and pain I inflict, He sees His adopted son whom He delights in. God chooses to call things that aren’t yet as though they were. He renames Abram to Abraham, meaning the father of many, before he ever had his son Isaac. God calls those who believe saints while we are yet sinners. He truly gives new life and new meaning to us even while we do not deserve and cannot earn this from Him. He does this graciously because that is His character. Who He is does not change based on what we do.

I say this for two reasons; one, we may commonly expect our prayers don’t produce anything. I often will procrastinate speaking to the Father because I assume, He is checked out, sick of listening to me, or that He’s obligated to listen, when in fact He rejoices when His children speak to Him. Two, we feel asking for anything for ourselves could be selfish, when, in reality, God gives us the desires of our heart and they are very good things. Let this be a time where I, and the rest of the church, feel the freedom to pray and reach out to Him during this time of sickness and fear, but also let us be freed from the lies the enemy tells us about who it is we are praying.