On Semantics and Somatics by Ethan Trull
Grace and peace, friends. I admit that I write this in a weary state, after what has seemed like a whirlwind of a start to a new semester, amidst changes in the Fellows Program, and the beginning of looking towards what’s next post-Fellows. I haven’t had much time to sit and process everything we’ve been learning, so I am very appreciative to carve out the time to write this post. I’ll get right to it.
I am very thankful that God has given me a desire to learn, even if it’s to my own detriment sometimes. The discussions and classes we have through the Fellows have given me books and articles to read that have absolutely blown me away, constantly shaking me to see that I don’t know everything there is to know about anything. For example, in reading Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright, I got to learn the true biblical hope of life after death. Most of the book revolves around understanding context and wording of the Scriptures pertaining to what happens after we die, and what the true hope of New Heavens and Earth entails. Reading so much about how important the translations and words used in the original Greek, I downloaded a software on my computer, which allows one to look at the original Hebrew and Greek of any Scripture and see how each word is used throughout the entire Biblical canon, called Logos. I quickly became obsessed with it because in my mind there must be so much I’ve been missing from not really knowing the original context of the words used. I was soaking in all of this knowledge and it was a very helpful tool for me to better understand what Biblical authors were trying to portray. However, with each answer came more questions.
So much of theology holds on the semantics, or the root of the meaning, behind the original words used in Scripture. It didn’t take long for me to become utterly frustrated with seeing that many theological debates are actually held around words, such as pre-destined, elect, dead in sin, etc., with our understanding of those words potentially having serious implications about the nature of God, the status of man, and the true mission of Jesus’ incarnation, life, death, and resurrection. It led me to ask myself the question: does my salvation depend on if I know the Greek?
When I am in investigator mode, I tend to completely ignore my body’s needs, and pondering this question and the search for truth in frustration disconnected myself from my heart and my body. I began to attempt to hold myself up with an unsure faith that was dependent only on logic (news flash to myself, that’s not real faith), and that any new meaning of a word could potentially shake the foundation. I had let a genuine desire to know the Lord better with my mind produce leaning on my own understanding. In reality, I needed heart, mind, body and soul (Greatest Commandment, Matthew 22:37) to be working in concordance.
Luckily, the next book we read for the Fellows was Life of the Beloved, a short series of reflections of identity by Henri Nouwen. Our homework for the second week of Life of the Beloved only required us to rest in complete stillness in contemplative prayer -- simply listening. This is not only a spiritual practice, but a somatic one as well, as our bodies aren’t used to stillness without sleep. In the midst of the wreckage that was present in my mind, I was tasked with focusing my mind on nothing, my heart on the Father, and my body on being still. It seemed impossible. First -- once I could finally quiet my mind -- came the lies that have been fueling much of my desire to learn, rather than know, the heart of the Father. Know is much more intimate than learn. “You’ll never be able to know the complete truth, unless you keep seeking,” “your questions are going to cause you to lose your faith completely,” were playing in my head along with more personal attacks on my spiritual, emotional, and physical health. However, I began to learn how to acknowledge those lies, in turn allowing them to die down, so that I could begin to hear the truth about the Father’s goodness, and how much He loved me even though I didn’t earn it. Through His grace and restorative presence, he calmed my fears and I found rest in unanswered questions, calling to mind the closing chapters to Job and the verses of Psalm 139. A simple, confronting yet comforting response of “Where were you when I knitted you together in your mother’s womb?” allowed me to know that I truly didn’t have to know all of the Greek and Hebrew in order to know the true heart of the loving Father. I’d like to end with the prayer St. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, as it reminds me of the importance of rooting everything (heart, mind, body, and soul) in Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 3:14-21
14When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
20Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
