An Overflow of Freedom by Catherine Hair
Something I’ve learned about myself is that I’m obsessed with freedom, or at least what I perceive as freedom. I day-dream about the vacations I could take, all the weekend plans I could possibly have, all the things I could be doing if I wasn’t working, all the different foods and meals I could be enjoying, etc. Sometimes I genuinely believe the purpose in life is to gain more freedom. Any sort of commitment is slightly terrifying to me because what if I choose something and then I don’t have the option to do everything else??? Sometimes I can’t even buy skin care products because then that means I’m agreeing not to buy all the other skin care options in the world. And I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong to want to be free, I just think I put too much emphasis on its place in my life.
In my mind, being able to do whatever I want is equivalent to being free. I want all the options with no rules and definitely no boundaries. I don’t think I’m alone in this. I was listening to a podcast the other day that talked about how western society has an overflow of freedom. In order to live a fulfilling life we need meaning, community, and freedom, but most of us have too much freedom and not enough meaning or community. There’s a saying about how saying yes to something means saying no to everything else. Not a wildly profound statement, but for some reason it’s so hard for me to wrap my mind around this concept. Why can’t I say yes to hanging out with 4 different people in a 2 hour time frame, while also thinking about the next day of activities that I’m inevitably going to do? But then I think about my inability to be present in these moments. I can’t fully be there with someone because I’m thinking about everywhere else I could be or the things I’m about to be doing. Because I’m not saying no to anything, I’m not fully saying yes to anything either. And instead of feeling free, I’m feeling drained and anxious.
Galatians chapter 5 is all about freedom in Christ. Verse 13 says, “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” How different would my life look if I looked at freedom as a way to better love and serve others? In order to experience community, we are called to serve. We are called to constantly give of ourselves; this means limiting freedom. This means saying no to self-satisfying endeavors in order to say yes to being with people.
Before coming to Nashville I had a slight panic attack about doing the Fellows program. I kept thinking to myself “why the heck am I doing a program that controls so much of my life?” I didn’t like the idea that I couldn’t leave on weekends, or that I had so many commitments throughout the week. I wanted my time to be my own and for me to choose what I got to do with it. But now that I’m 5 months into the program, I understand why it’s set up the way it is. The friendships that we’ve built through the time we spend together (sometimes forced), wouldn’t be as deep or meaningful.
So instead of viewing freedom as the end-all-be-all, I’ve learned to embrace the beauty that comes from giving up my freedom for something much greater.
