Something to Bring to the Table

I think one of the most challenging social dynamics of being a Christian is what to make of people's opinions of yourself. What I mean by this is how we value and interpret what others say about us. We know that, as Christians, our identity is found in Christ – His perspective on us is what truly matters. Others' perspectives on us or our own do not define us. Because of Christ's death and resurrection, we live knowing God loves us and finds infinite value in us. Even better, God's assessment of us does not change. Whereas others' and our own opinions of ourselves are precarious and unstable, God's opinion is set in stone. What this means for us is that we can have a stable understanding of our values and identity. We no longer must hunt around this world for evidence proving or disproving our worth. We can finally give up our endless striving and let our hearts rest. 

For many years, I have struggled with interpreting people's assessments of me. Although I have been a Christian for close to a decade, I found this aspect of my walk with Christ to be particularly challenging. On the one hand, I desperately, and I mean desperately, sought people's approval. During different seasons of my life, I was sustained by people's perspectives and assessments of myself. And at other times, I felt devastated by what others had said about me. It's no way to live, but it's something most of us get caught up in at one time or another. 

On the other hand, I really struggled to believe others when they encouraged me or gave a compliment. I would brush it off and disregard it – I did not steward well their kindness. Maybe it was just a form of self-punishment. I felt that I didn't deserve their compliment. And the only way to adequately express that was to deny and disregard it.

So, that is how I came into the Fellows program this past August. Was this confusing dichotomy always present at the forefront of my mind? Of course not, but it was still alive and well. I expected this to stay the same during the program. It for sure didn't change in a heartbeat. Over time, though, I slowly but surely saw growth. I guess it's the type of growth you aren't aware of in the moment, yet you see it clearly in retrospect. 

Spending the last six months with the Fellows community has been so life-giving. Throughout these past months, I have had many opportunities to engage in incredible conversations with those around me. I have had such rich fellowship, whether listening to another Fellow's testimony, engaging in class discussions, or just spending time with others in the community. And a byproduct of that fellowship has been receiving encouragement from others. Whether it was just a simple compliment about the ideas I shared or it was something more direct about the qualities they saw in me, I continually encountered encouragement from this community. Instead of feeling simultaneously desperate and unaccepting of other's kind words, I have become more comfortable with their presence. 

I want to be clear. I still struggle with seeking approval from others as a means of building up my worth. But, I am starting to see my denying and unaccepting posture towards encouragement and compliments fade away. Christ has begun something incredible. For so many years, I think I unconsciously assumed that I had nothing to bring to the table and nothing to offer to the communities where I was placed. After these past months, I think I am finally beginning to accept the compliments others give me. I think I am finally starting to understand that I, like everyone else, have something to bring to the table – something to contribute to those around me. Yes, I do mourn the fact that I didn't functionally understand that for many years. But I am immensely thankful for the Spirit's present work in this aspect of my life. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to seek self-belittlement because I have been freed and loved through Christ's sacrifice. Christ bore that weight for me – I have been set free from condemnation.

I will forever be grateful for this community God has placed in my life. I have genuinely encountered something spectacular through it. I love each and every one of my classmates. They are some of the best and most Gospel-filled people I have ever had the chance to know. The staff of the Fellows program have been immeasurably supportive, and I cannot thank them enough for it. When it is all said and done, this program has been another opportunity to encounter the Gospel in a particular way. To everyone associated with this program, thank you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for supporting me. And thank you for pointing me closer to Jesus.

Hunter Dameworth Class 11
Hometown: Winston Salem, NC
Graduate of UNC Chapel Hill