God is Not in a Hurry
Silence and slowing down can be uncomfortable, especially in a culture that values efficiency and instant results. However, as Christians, the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude should not be overlooked. If I'm being honest, spending uninterrupted time with God has been challenging for me recently. So when the Silent Retreat rolled around, I was excited for solitude. As I settled into the silence at Saint Joseph's Monastery, I wrestled with expectations of how I wanted the weekend to go. I had entered the retreat after a hectic morning, which included a flat tire. On top of that, I was holding onto many experiences and feelings I hadn't even begun to process. I didn’t even know where to begin. I held expectations of wanting God to reveal Himself in mountain-top-like moments, but God flipped these expectations, giving me what I really needed: rest.
Slowly but surely, I settled into the silence, releasing my expectations. Kendra Allen provided us with a blessing called Beloved Is Where We Begin, in which I would find myself praying whenever I grew restless and wanted control over the weekend.
Some lines of the prayer that struck me were:
“I can tell you
that you will know
the strange graces
that come to our aid
only on a road
such as this,
that fly to meet us
bearing comfort
and strength,
that come alongside us
for no other cause
than to lean themselves
toward our ear
and with their curious insistence
whisper our name:
Beloved.
Beloved.
Beloved.”
This prayer reminded me of the beginning of the Fellows' year in August when John introduced a daily devotional called First We Were Loved by Gail Worshim Pitt on our opening retreat. This was to deepen our understanding of who God is and how we are loved. For me, viewing myself as beloved has been a life-long struggle and continues to be even as I go throughout this devotional. But God is patient and persistent in His pursuit. Through His grace, He has slowly been working on my heart, revealing His goodness to me. Sitting in the silence on the retreat after praying the above prayer, the pressure I placed on myself to create some substantial emotional experience with God dissipated. The truth is, it is not about me, and too often, I allow pride to get in the way. When I completely surrendered to God, allowing the Holy Spirit to do the work in my heart, I found the kind of rest described in Psalm 23.
As the retreat continued, I approached each activity through the lens of remembering that God is good and that I am loved. This opened my eyes to God's goodness around me. In the silence, I saw God's love through my friends when I painted and puzzled alongside them. In the silence, I saw God's love through nature as I walked the trails. In the silence, life slowed down, and I saw God's love in enjoying a cup of tea. I left the retreat without having had a huge mountaintop experience, but I carried a deeper understanding of God's love. I left feeling more closely bonded with my friends, viewing them as my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
God is not in a hurry. I'm grateful for His patience as I relearn the Gospel daily. The Gospel becomes more beautiful when I recognize my need for a savior. Through sanctification and grace, the Holy Spirit guides me to step more fully into my identity as beloved. I encourage anyone reading this to make uninterrupted time for you and God regularly.
Laura Duffett, Class 11
Hometown: Falls, Virginia
Graduate of James Madison University
